Wanting

As I continue to contemplate my struggle with contentment, God is continuing to use my boys to help teach me. I really do love how being a parent has opened my eyes up to a glimpse of how God must feel when I do or say things that disappoint Him.

After Bible Study today at church, the boys asked for ice cream sandwiches. I told them no, they were only for dessert for church gatherings. Jonathan replies: "But, I haven't had one in a whole day." It has been much longer than that, Bud.

As Harris Teeter today, the boys wanted to ride in the car cart. You know, the really big, really obnoxious (is it just me?), really hard to steer one. They have only ridden in it one time, yesterday. I told them it was a treat and we weren't doing it again. So, of course, they asked to do it again. Luckily for me, there were not any available. Whew.

Then, we pass the cookies. You know, the free ones that are yummy! Mommy, I have been good, can I have a cookie?

Leaving Harris Teeter, they saw Chick Fila (which they had yesterday by the way). Mommy, I want Chick Fila. I tell them that we had it yesterday and they were are not eating it again today because we are trying to spend our money wisely. Again, "But I want a chicken sandwich."

I send a snicker up to the Lord. "I get it."

I am tempted to blame myself for their "wanting." Truth is, we are born sinful. The wanting...really wanting...that is sin.

I wonder though how much they hear me saying "I want." I am aware of how my words and actions are watched. And repeated. Just ask Jonathan to say "whatever." He has the attitude down pat, and almost the eye roll too, except that he knows he will get spanked for that part.
I thought about how sad it made me to hear my kids say "I want." Sometimes I am sad because I can't give them what they want because we don't have the money for it. Sometimes I am sad because they aren't happy with what they have. It made me aware, even if just barely, of how the Lord must feel when I start in on the wanting.

I can imagine that He looks down at me and shakes His head in disappointment. "Nan, when are you going to be happy, not just OK, but really happy and joyful, with what I have blessed you with? When? I have given you everything you could ever need. And then some. I gave up my Son for you. My only Son. I want you to learn to be content with Him, Nan. He is all that you need. He can make you happy. He can make you joyful. He shall supply all your needs."

Thank you again Lord, for using my boys to open my eyes, even if only for tiny glimpse at how You must feel.

Lord, help me to be content. Help me to be joyful!