Fairness

Life is not fair. Why do we (I mean society, and me) insist upon teaching our children that the world is going to be fair to them? We make them share their toys, even when they don't want to because it is the right thing to do. It is being fair. What am I setting my boys up for? Sometimes, it feels like a lot of disappointment is coming their way. The "world" is not going to be fair to my children. They are going to get pushed around some and they need to learn how to deal with that. So, how do we do that when they are so young? I guess for me, I try my best to raise them in the Lord and teach them that life is not always fair. Just because they shared a toy and used their fruits of the Spirit, doesn't mean that a friend is going to do the same. It is tough for me. I want to be fair with them, but I can't be all the time. And maybe that is where the irony is. If the Lord was fair to me, I would get what I always deserved, and there would never be mercy. But, praise Him, He is merciful. So maybe fairness should only have to do with toy trains and cars.

Besides, if life were fair, I would be doing what Jacob is doing now.

He woke me up right before he went to sleep. That is NOT fair!!!

Let The Rambilings Begin!

So much to update....

First, I got the best deal on a new outfit today! I went to the mall with a friend to get a couple of trees (the Keep America Beautiful folks were giving out free trees:)) and she wanted to run into New York and Co. When we got to the store, there was a big sign that read "Store Closing. Sale 2.99" Everything in the store, and there wasn't much left, was on sale for $2.99! I found a pair of black pants and a grey and black shirt that will go great with my black boots for only $6.38, including tax! Now to clarify, the chain is not closing, just our store at the mall. What a deal! The outfit should have cost about $60! I am so excited!!!

Second, my shins are about all healed thanks to the help of my wonderful and dear friend Jenny. I was able to run today after taking a week off to let them heal. It felt so good! And thanks to the running, I haven't gained any weight. You see, exercise is not the problem for me. The problem is having constant access to whatever foods I want. And they might not be bad foods. But too much of anything is bad for you. I don't need a trainer. I need a padlock on my fridge and pantry, and a chef. Hey, that would be a nice touch wouldn't it? So, thankfully I am four weeks into a good workout program. I do cardio and weight training 3 times a week. I am hoping to throw in another day of cardio soon.

Third, Wilmington is referred to as Hollywood East. Did you know that? Me neither, until we moved here. Frank has seen several stars during his days growing up here. Me, only one about 6 months ago. He isn't an "A list" actor, but he was in Tombstone. All of that changed for me today. As I was signing Jacob into the Kid's Care at the gym today, one of the workers there said that..................................................Queen Latifah was here!!!! And sure enough, there she was doing crunches! So, I worked out with (and I do use the word "with" quite loosely) the Queen herself today. Pretty cool huh?

Fourth, life is not fair. I will write more about that later, but in the meantime, chew on that. Life isn't fair. Why do we so try to teach our kids to be fair when most people in the world are not going to treat them fairly? And, isn't it great that life isn't fair? Think about it...

Parent/ Teacher Conference

Do you remember those? I do. We had our first one with Jonathan's teacher today. I felt like I was time wrapped back and that I should be playing with toys in the corner while my mom talked to my teachers. Not this time. Academically, Jonathan is doing really well. He knows his letters and sounds, shapes, numbers, and colors. He has friends and is doing well socially (in terms of showing compassion and having friends). He still gets upset over little things sometimes. His fine motor skills need some work, as do some of his gross motor skills (hopping, and skipping). He is progressing. That is what I keep reminding myself. There is no right or wrong bar to judge a child by, but I find myself wanting to make sure that he is keeping up with his peers. Why does that feel so important to me at times? He is so sweet, and I adore him! He has his moments though. He does better for us, I think, than he does for his teachers. Funny...aren't they supposed to be better for others than mom and dad? His teacher did say that she would be concerned about putting him in kindergarten next year because he might get bullied around or something to that effect. I think the deal is about sealed. I think we are going to venture into the homeschooling zone!!! I want what is best for my boys and I really believe that homeschooling them is going to be it. Jonathan needs structure, but he also needs to be allowed to be himself, and I think that a traditional school setting would squash that in him and he wouldn't be Jonathan anymore. So, we will try it and see how he does, how we do. I am starting to look forward to the adventure and get a little excited about it. OK, off to play trains and work on hopping, I guess :)

A First

For the past four or so months, Jonathan has refused to go to his Sunday School class at church. We haven't wanted to push the issue too much, so he has been going to the service with us. He can eve sit through the whole thing now (1.5 hours) as long as he has a snack at the praise singing is finished. Our pastor has been preaching through the Book of Revelation for the time that Jonathan has been coming to service. It hasn't scared him, which was my fear, but he has asked some questions about the pictures that have been on the screen such as "Why is that lake red?". Well today, I took him to his class so he could meet his teacher and find out what they were going to be doing today. He stayed in class! He learned a little about Nicodemus, had a snack, got to play and even went out on the playground. He loved it and he even said that he was going to go back again next week! There is a praise!

By the way, I found the super glue!!!

Be Still

The dinnertime/ bedtime chaos erupted tonight, right as I was telling Frank about how I don't chaos or clutter in my home. Ironic huh? We ate a nice, healthy dinner tonight, as a family, for the first time in a long time it seems. The boys ate well too...they loved their corn on the cob and their baked beans. Go veggies! They cleaned up their toys and then I thawed out some frozen strawberries for them. Jonathan has been begging for strawberries and being that it is January and all, I went with frozen ones. He came in as Frank and I were discussing how I feel about the clutter in the house. It really bothers me, and I don't think that he realized that. Having a small house and two young boys with toys, the clutter seems to be overwhelming most of the time. So, Jonathan comes in and announces that he doesn't like the strawberries and they are "yucky." We corrected him..."They aren't my favorite, but thank you Mommy." That felt better than "yucky." Jacob loved them. He looked like he had bathed in them, but none hit the floor, which is a huge feat for him these days!!!! Meanwhile, Jonathan broke his wooden car and Frank went to fix it in the kitchen with the superglue that is supposed to be the in junk drawer in the kitchen. Which led to me asking why we have a junk drawer? Why can't we organize it? Frank answered, "then it wouldn't be a junk drawer and everybody has a junk drawer." I confess that I rolled my eyes at him, on the inside though (like that makes it ok).

At this point in time Frank notices that I am fed up for some reason. He hugs me and tells me to go sit down and rest, ignore it all, go get a cup of coffee, whatever I need to do. I respond with an ok. Then I call Jonathan for his meds. Then I go looking for the superglue, which isn't in the junk drawer. Back to the kitchen I head and I hear the radio playing a song by Steven Curtis Chapman called Be Still. How cool is the Lord. I called for Frank and the boys and we sat on the kitchen floor and listened. I watched in awe at how hard it was for my kids to "be still." Wow. You would have thought that they were trying to get away from a shot or something.

What is so cool is that this morning I was praying for the Lord to discipline me, because I know He loves me. That is why you discipline...out of love for your children, because you know that there is so much more for them. I am in desperate need of His discipline in my life. When my time spent with him becomes disciplined and consistent, then He can work on the other areas of my life that I have struggled with for a long time. The picture with the boys tonight was perfect. How I resist sitting still before the Lord. Psalm 46:10 says "Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth." When I can take the time to quiet my mind and my heart, that is when He will be exalted in my life. But that doesn't usually happen without a fight. But, the fight is worth it. Case in point, the boys finally quieted and Jonathan told Frank, "Daddy, close your eyes like Mommy." Not that I had done anything great, but the Lord used that moment to teach me and to quiet my heart. Thank you Lord for your grace and persistence with me...that is LOVE!

On a much lighter note, Jonathan noticed and commented for the first time that the characters in the VeggieTales don't have arms:)

And, I still can't find the superglue!

The Rollercoaster

We are debating homeschooling the boys. At the beginning of the summer of 2007 I really was pushing for it. At that time, Frank was hesitant...understandably so. The roles flipped some time over the summer. Then Jonathan started school. I have been very impressed with how his writing abilities have soared while in school (pre K program). He seems to really enjoy it. I mentioned in an earlier post about his allergies. His teachers started to question some things about his behavior and if he would be socially ready for kindergarten. This is my first born baby boy....the claws came out, but mostly on myself. I really began to question my abilities as his mother. I wondered if I had messed him up somehow. Maybe the TV had done him harm??? What was it? I started praying about it. In early December he had three meltdowns in 5 minutes at church. My heart was breaking for him!!!! I was in the service for the last worship song during which I was crying out to the Lord for wisdom as to how to help Jonathan move past this phase or whatever he was in. It was precious! Jonathan saw my hand raised in praise to the Lord and he raised his hand. God spoke to me in that moment. He reminded me that Jonathan's spiritual health was what mattered. Everything else would fall into place, and if it never did that would be ok too. Talk about a fog lifting.

That night, I started researching the allergy meds he was taking: singulair and zyrtec. A year and a half ago when the dr first put him on singulair we tried it for a few days and then stopped because of some side effects (behavioral ones) that we thought were being cased by the meds. I had forgotten this. So when i started checking on the meds I found out that other kids had problems with them...uncontrollable crying for no reason, defiance when they hadn't been defiant, etc. We immediately stopped his meds. 36 hours later he was a block head. We started back his nasal spray which doesn't have any behavioral side effects and found a homeopathic allergy medicine with no side effects. On Christmas day, we took him off the nasal spray and he has been doing well, allergy wise. Behaviorally speaking, I can see a big difference. I thought that his teachers could also. At least that is what they were indicating to me on an evaluation sheet that I had started having them fill out.

I picked him up today and they said that he had a bad day, even though this folder indicated that he had a "green" day. Go figure. So, two days before break, they told me that he was so creative and loved doing his art work which was a huge breakthrough for him! Huge! Then, today they said that he doesn't want to do his work, doesn't want to do art, just wants to play. I put him in the car and cried the whole way home! What is up!

Jonathan is really bright and has an amazing imagination! You should watch him with his trains...and his memory...he can quote movies like his father! He really blows me away sometimes.

So, is not wanting to do his school work an obedience issue? Is it that he is a young 4 year old? Is it that he is not only a young 4, but that he is also a boy? Or are they not teaching him in a way that will enable him to really take off (which is not their fault; I taught...you can't teach every learning style)?

We have so many decisions to make. I think we are really leaning to homeschooling him so that I can structure his learning in such a way to help him to excel. I have a lot of fears regarding homeschooling, mostly be not being disciplined enough. But, isn't this our responsibility? We are going to try to get him in soccer or t-ball for the spring and then into scouts or awana starting in the fall I think. There is so much to think about. I mean, this is his education.

2008: The Year of Health

I really am excited about the New Year! No resolutions here. I just fail at those anyway...why set myself for failure and the self-hating that follows anyway. I am calling this year the "Year of Health." This is the year that we are going to turn the corner in a lot of ways. I really feel like God has given me a vision as to what this year has the potential to be, that health is in our future and not just physical health; emotional, spiritual, and also financial health.
So, to start this journey I am going to pay a bit of a tribute to my family and run in the Carolina Beach Lo-Tide 5K run on March 15th. When I was little my daddy and I used to run 2 miles every Saturday around the track at the YMCA. As a family, we would all participate in the Irish Run in Milwaukee (also a 5K). So, as a way to honor them in my "Year of Health" I am going to run. Very excited about this!!! I will keep everyone posted on my progress in "training" to run a 5K. The key word there is run. I want to be able to run the whole thing and not have to stop and walk. So, wish me blessings!