Day 9 Thoughts

When I can't have sugar, I'll find something else to eat too much of. I'd have to cut out bread, sugar and cheese! Balance! It is all about balance. I will be working on a plan during the remaining 5 days. I need to know how I am going to balance my trigger foods when this is over. Planning! I have a feeling will be of the utmost importance!

This is what I have craved today! I made bread and it was delicious! (Sorry for the poor quality photo!)

Days 6 and 7 (No Sugar)

Wednesday was fine until I got the boys home from Awana and was hungry since we eat an early dinner usually. I had two pieces of string cheese and that helped, but I really wanted something munchie. I went to bed instead.



Thursday wasn't a bad day. We went to Manly Man's aunt and uncle's house to see them for a few hours. We had grilled cheese sandwiches and grapes and strawberries. I had mine with cheddar cheese and it was yum-o! I actually ate two sandwiches. Yikes! I kept lunch light. Then, at 9pm, I attacked some cheddar cheese pretty hard. I'm paying for it today, and drinking lots of water to flush the extra sodium out of my body...my rings are tight right now! Next time, I'll just go to bed!



I found a product today that I am super excited about, but don't want to share it with you until I have tried it. And I can't try it until next Friday! Bet your wondering aren't you???



It gets easier each day to make it through. I'm not sure exactly what I miss the most. It is hard to miss it when it isn't in your house. It is also hard to miss something sweet when a light bulb in your head is turned on, but I will share more about that at the end of the second week. I won't be updating daily anymore about this challenge, but I will be posting a couple of times over the next week.

Day 5 (No Sugar) and A Victory!

Day 5 , yesterday, was great! I made chicken parm last night and it was yummy! Manly Man and I were reminiscing a little over dinner. Chicken parm was the first meal I ever cooked for him and it was actually before we started dating. Fun to look back isn't it?

At Awana tonight, Jacob is having a Valentine's Party in Cubbies. They are supposed to bring in valentines and a snack to share. I immediately thought "sweets" and then realized that I couldn't do that. So, instead, he is bringing in a bag of red seedless grapes! Super proud of my victorious choice, for all involved!

Day 4 (No Sugar) and For the Non-Scrapper

Today has been easier. I haven't overeaten or had any sugar. I have attacked a few pieces of sugar free gum though. I am not going to post my tracker, but it has been a great day. I feel really motivated today. Manly Man is still going too, although he has cheated a few times. I am still proud of him though!

I'm not a scrapper. A scrapbooker that is. My sister is. I think I disappoint her greatly in this area. She is always helpful when I go for a visit. And by helpful, I mean she forces me to sit down and work on a scrapbook that has been in the works for a year and a half. She is great about it, honestly.

It is not realistic for me to be able to do scrapbooks for everything. This digital photo age has about killed me. Until I found the photo books that Shutterfly will let you create. You can do a quick one that helps you through a lot of the process or do one that takes more time and requires a little more effort on your part. They print it and send it to you in book form. It is like making a yearbook. I have done three of them so far. I am trying to have one for each year so that we have a way to look at pictures without having to go to the computer. Check them out here.

Day 2, No Sugar

Saturday wasn't the greatest of days, but I didn't have any sugar. I did a BIG lunch of hot dogs with chili and chips. In turn, I had a salad and some grapes for dinner, with a few spoonfuls of homemade mashed potatoes. I wanted something sweet so instead, I had chips. Lot of chips. I have done no sugar before and it wasn't this hard!

Sunday will be hard with the Superbowl! I am going to try my best to make wise decisions throughout the day and continue on with the no sugar thing!

Day 1 (No Sugar)

Breakfast:
Coffee w/ low fat milk
1/2 c egg whites with 1/2 oz cheese

Lunch:
4 oz turkey
1 slice pepper jack cheese
1 sandwich thin
Cucumbers

Snack:
1 string cheese
1 kiwi
2 slices cheddar cheese
8 triscuits
Hot tea

Dinner:
Cheese steak
Chili cheese fries.

Water: more than 64 oz

Thoughts:
Some days are easier than others. I woke with a ton of motivation and also a lot of comfort because Manly Man is going to do this with me! There isn't a lot of sweets in my house. I took care of that yesterday. :) He has had a harder time than I have today, but I think that he will be glad in the long run.
I experienced some frustration that I would have loved to take out on some cookie dough or something, but I decided to have a little cheese and a few triscuits along with some peppermint tea. It helped, some.

I did blow it at dinner by having a cheese steak sandwich and some chili cheese fries. It was mostly for comfort...it has been cold and rainy all day. I didn't really enjoy it to be honest. Because I knew that I had made a decision with my emotions and not my heart and mind.

But, I didn't have any added sugar today.

Day 1 done. 13 more to go.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

I'm Doing It!

Two weeks, starting Friday morning. No sugar. Allow me to clarify. No added sugar to my coffee or food. No sodas or juices. No candy or sweets. No baked goodies. None of it.

Sugar is a food that is bad, very bad for me. I over eat on it a ton!

I will try to post each day to be honest about this. I know in my heart that I need to do this. I know in my jeans that I need to do this too!

Another Profound Discovery!

I know! I haven't blogged hardly any in the last few months. I want to get back to it...truly! I just don't know what to write about I guess.
Today, I write about another self-discovery moment, mostly as a reminder to myself; but perhaps helpful to someone else too!

When I feed my body well a lot of things happen. Two of the hugest things are this:

1. I am a better wife because I feel good on the inside and I haven't been stuck in a self-pity and sinful (for me) pattern.

2. I am a better mom for the same reason.

When I feel bad in my own skin, I'm not fun to be around.

When I feel good in my own skin, I'm a little happier and more joyful!

Finally!

We have finally all recovered! Praise the Lord!
I had pneumonia. Jonathan had double pneumonia. Jacob had strep. Manly Man...he went out of town, came back early because we were so sick and then had to nurture us back to health! But, we are finally feeling well!!!! We are spending a little time away from home this week and are really trying to enjoy the time away, because we really need it. We learned on Friday that the bank that took over the bank that owned Manly Man's mortgage office closed them down. That means that he was laid off from his part time job. We are taking the week to regroup...to pray and seek God for His direction. After all, His plan is so much better than our own!
The boys have been swimming a ton in the last week. They are both making great strides and I am so proud of them! They are also learning how to boogie board! Absolute pure joy of their faces when they ride a wave in...pure joy!
We are hoping to do some boating, fishing, beaching and sleeping while we are away. I need the sleep...last night's sleep was terrible!!! Manly Man snored, so I was headed to the couch when Jacob called for me. He and Jonathan were sharing a bed and they had already woken up fighting about kicking each other in their sleep. I crawled in the double bed and slept like a mummy in the middle of the two! I say slept. I didn't sleep. I tried. I failed. I hate failure. Especially when it comes to sleep! I feel a nap coming soon. But, being that almost the whole month of June was taken off from school, (I'm so mean aren't I...having school in the summer, but when it is 95 with a heat index of 105, I think being inside and learning is much better. We will take time off in the fall when the weather isn't so miserable!), the boys have some learning to do.
What is the worst illness you have had in the middle of the summer?

And Now...

Jonathan has walking pneumonia! Lord, heal us please! And quickly!

13, 9, 19 and 8

Those numbers look crazy right? Allow me to explain...

Pounds lost since being back at Weight Watchers...13.

Pounds to loose to reach my "official" goal at WW...9.

Pounds to loose to reach my person, ultimate goal...19.

New jeans size...8.

The physical and mental feeling I have...Priceless!

I think the thing that I am most excited about it that I am not eating crazy diet foods and stuff. I am eating normal things...things I can live with. I only made a one switch that I can think of...2% cheddar cheese instead of full fat cheese.

I did make the choice not to buy chips, candy or sweets until I reach my goal. They are just too much of a temptation for me. By making that choice, I am breaking my addiction to them. I don't crave them very much anymore since I haven't had them for over two weeks. People who have an alcohol addiction don't get to just have one drink. When I realized what my trigger foods were and after a very firm, swift kick in hiney by my dear friend Anne (with pointy shoes on and everything!) I realized that I had to not allow myself to have them for a while. Perhaps I will be able to have them in the house...maybe not. We will just have to see...

Jacob's Hospital Stay and What I Learned

I have finally caught up on sleep, am feeling fairly normal, and have had a chance to process the happenings of the stomach bug in our home and the havoc that it wreaked. I am going to share our experience here and a couple of lessons that I learned in the process. Be warned that this is a long post!
If you read this post, then you know that the stomach bug started on Wednesday with Jonathan, spread to me on Thursday around noon, and hit Jacob on Thursday evening. By Friday morning he was starting to keep fluids down. He didn’t have an appetite, but I wasn’t concerned about that…I still didn’t have one, neither did Jonathan. Jacob did well on Friday. Friday night was good, and then Saturday, he woke up happy and feeling fairly well. We decided to take the boys to a birthday party of a friend of theirs and they were so excited! The boys did not eat at the party, not even cake! Wasn’t concerned. They had a bottle of Gatorade and we were good to go. Manly Man got them a little ice cream that afternoon, but they barely ate any. Still, not worried. They went to bed great, slept great.
Sunday morning, Jacob calls me from the bathroom and I run in there just in time for him to throw up again. Manly Man is off to work and I just try to make the best of things. I called the doctor and, since he didn’t have a fever and had stopped throwing up, and was keeping fluids down, I didn’t take him to the doctor. That afternoon he slept for about 3 hours. It was kind of hard to wake him up actually. When he did get up he looked pretty lethargic and I got worried, but pushed the fluids again. At 11pm, he threw up again and then two more times. I knew he was going to go to the hospital on Monday. I really believe the Lord prepped me for that one, and I was so thankful for it. He didn’t sleep soundly that night, nor did I.
When Manly Man got home, he took him to the walk-in clinic at the peds office. It was packed! The nurses even came out and asked that anyone that didn’t have a major concern should come back or call and make an appointment because it was going to be a long wait. Manly Man stayed with a limp, sleepy Jacob in his arms. He got there at 8:20am and didn’t get called back until 10:30am. Then it was another 30 minutes before the dr got in there. I was at home, trying to get some laundry done, spend time with Jonathan and rest, because I knew what was coming. At the doctor’s office, they checked Jacob’s blood sugar and it was down to 45. Normal is 60 to 120 and, if it had gone much lower, he could have had a seizure! Manly Man called and told me they were probably going to admit him so I called my mom in Charlotte, and jumped in the shower. Manly Man called back and said they were admitting him. I called him mom while shaving my legs in the shower and told her and asked her to come to take care of Jonathan. I called my mom back and told her I didn’t need her, but I wanted her. She left work within 30 minutes and got on the road. I explained to Jonathan what was happening and that I wanted to be with him, but that Jacob needed me and he said it was ok. My mil got here and I left and headed to the children’s hospital.
When I walked in Jacob’s room, I was prepared to see him looking so small in that bed and he did. Last year and very dear friend’s son was put in the hospital for dehydration from rotavirus and I had gone to see them. I was so thankful that I knew what to expect. He was sipping a little bit of juice, in hospital pjs, lying in the bed, looking so frail. He was barely awake and I climbed in the bed with him to snuggle. I didn’t want to be any where else. They had put some numbing cream on the back of both hands to numb the IV sight. They let it stay there, taped on, for an hour and then do the IV. It didn’t work for Jacob. Poor thing. But they got his IV in and splinted his arm so that he wouldn’t bend his wrist and mess up the IV. He cried, but was so brave! They drew some blood and his blood sugar was back up to 65, thankfully! They started pushing fluids in him…they push them hard and fast to shock the cells for the first hour and then slow down the drip. He slept some and then started to perk up a little. Manly Man went home to relieve his mom and bring Jonathan back up to the hospital. I stayed with him and when they got back; my mom had just gotten there too. His color started coming back after about 3 or 4 hours of the IV fluids. We had many friends stop by with snacks, toys and books for us. Many others called to check on us. I felt so blessed and so loved! Jacob slept really hard that night. The nurses came in every hour to check his IV and vitals and that was exhausting for my mom and me. They even checked his blood sugar and he slept through it! It was up to 125 by about 9:30pm. So very excited about that! The doctor came in and told me that the plan for Tuesday would be to push fluids orally and see how he did. Here, the Lord prepped me again that he wouldn’t be going home on Tuesday. Don’t ask me how I knew, it was just the Lord.

(These pictures are about 3 or 4 hours after they started his IV fluids on Monday. Notice the splint? That was Jacob's favorite part...he even brought it home!)

So Tuesday morning he woke up and was full of spunk and energy. They disconnected the IV fluids, leaving in the hep lock, and he was able to eat some cheerios, drink some sierra mist, and go play in the coolest play therapy room ever! He played really hard and was so happy to be out of the bed! Manly Man brought Jonathan back to the hospital and they had such fun playing together. After about 30 to 45 minutes, we went back down to the room and Jacob wanted to lay on the pull out couch. He was looking a little pale and tired and a little bit later, he threw up again! The doctor was in the room for that one and it bought him another night in the hospital. They hooked him back up to the IV fluids.

(This is in the play room Tuesday morning, right before he got sick again.)

My mom took Jonathan home and I went home for a few hours to spend some time with Jonathan. I could tell that he was being affected by all of this. It was so hard to leave Jacob there, even though Manly Man was with him. It broke my heart! I had fun with Jonathan though….we played a game and watched a little TV and snuggled some. I was so empty and exhausted! Mom and I went back to the hospital with Jonathan and Manly Man brought him home for the night.
The second night in the hospital was a little quieter. The nurse didn’t come in as often, per our request, and she charted his info on the computer outside instead of inside his room where the monitor would glow for what seemed like forever. They stopped his IV fluids at 6am. He ate a little for breakfast and we pushed the fluids. He played, but not as hard, on Wednesday and they discharged us from the hospital about 3pm that afternoon. The boy walked out of the hospital! He didn’t walk at all on Monday, we carried him every where because he was so weak.

(Right after he found out he was going to go home!)

What I learned through all this is...
1. Don’t force them to eat…their appetite will return and they know their bodies better than we do.
2. Do make them drink and monitor their fluids for a few days after the bug; Jacob weighs about 37 pounds and he needs about 45 ounces of fluids a day! Shocking!
3. When your blood sugar drops, it can cause nausea and vomiting…your get caught in a vicious cycle
4. When friends offer to bring something to you, accept it or ask for it…granola and fruit are good options
5. Chap Stick is a must in a hospital…the air is so dry!
6. Slip on shoes like crocs or Birkenstock are great because you can climb in the bed with your child and slip your shoes off very easily and put them back on easily when you need to get up (read: no germies on the bed)
7. Get out of the room and get some sunlight on your face if at all possible…it makes a huge difference!

So, there your have it. If you made it this far, thanks for taking a few minutes. And thank you for your prayers as we went through this.

And as s side note...next February, I have every intention of finding a cave to hibernate in with my family for the whole month! Remember what last February was like?

More Truth

As I got ready to go out to a nice dinner with Manly Man on Monday night, I went through the "I hate all my clothes" song. Are you familiar with that you? I am. All to well. It never ends well. It has even ended in a change of restaurant destinations because all I could fit were a pair of jeans, not very nice ones either.

Well Monday evening went a little differently. As I stood in front of the mirror, I became very frustrated with my turtleneck sweater because it made my big boobs (sorry if any guys are reading this!) look even bigger and it hit at a place in between my hips and waist that wasn't flattering. I started to nit pick at how it looked, how I looked, how I felt. All the while Manly Man had told me at least twice how beautiful and wonderful I looked. I felt a moment of truth flood into my heart. I said aloud, in the mirror, "I am a child of God and that alone is enough. I might have big boobs, but I am still a child of God. I won't nit pick anymore tonight." It felt great. I felt peaceful. And I didn't criticize any more. That night.

As I learn to lean wholly on the Lord I was confronted with hard truth this morning. I wrote that I wanted to be healthy for the Lord. I have written about that a lot on this blog. A lot! The Lord asked me a question this morning. He said, "Do you really want to be healthy for me, or do you just want to look good for the world and for yourself so that you 'feel' better about yourself?" (gulp.) I confessed to Him, that I use health as a disguise. I told Him the truth...that I just wanted to look good, to fit into a certain size, to weigh a certain number. I asked for forgiveness. I also asked Him to help me to be comfortable in my own skin.

The irony of it all...Jacob's verse in Cubbies, at Awana this week:

I am...wonderfully made.

Psalm 139:14

I do love that the Lord has a sense of humor, even though it doesn't always feel so funny!

Fruit Roll-ups, At Home!!

Found this recipe after a friend suggested I look for one on the web. Who knew you could make fruit roll-ups at home! I am trying to eliminate artificial coloring from my children's world to see if there is a difference in their behavior. I think Ainsely's advice to do that is actually helping. The problem is when you take them somewhere that is going to serve a snack. So, thinking I might try these and see how they go over in my home! Don't they look yummy?

Chocolate Chip Cookie Confession

I major heart chocolate chip cookie dough! In a big way. Or at least I did. So, about 5 or 6 years ago, while at Sam's Club, I had a brilliant idea to buy some cookie dough to keep on hand whenever we had friends over. I wanted to be a good hostess and have something to serve my guests. I don't know where I got that from. If anyone knew about my plan for goodies and looked in that 5 pound tub about a month later would have thought that Manly Man and I were the COOLEST people ever in the 'Boro! Man, that cookie dough was at least half gone, in only 30 days! That is a lot of cookies!!! Which means a lot of friends!!!
What is really meant is that I was a closet compulsive eater! It was there. I ate it. Raw. By the spoonful! When home alone. While Manly Man was in the bathroom. Whenever. Thinking back now, I think that this is when I first started to realize that I was a closet over-eater or maybe this is about the time that it started. Hmmm....
When I finally confessed to Manly Man what I had done, he suggested that I throw it away. Do what???? I was NOT going to waste money! But then I realized later that I needed to do just that and did. So, me and chocolate chip cookie dough...a very bad love-to-eat-you-hate-the-pounds-you-cause relationship bloomed!
Fast forward to yesterday. With the looming TS Hanna headed our way on Friday (by the way, we did fine...no problems whatsoever...pray for those in the path of Ike though!) the munchies set in. I got the chips covered. I almost got the sweets covered too, but decided not to. Then Manly Man went to the store and I suggested something sweet...you know, so I could blame him for it being in the house. He came home with the ginormous roll of chocolate chip cookie dough. We made a few cookies. Yesterday, I ate some raw cookie dough. Not a lot here, but enough for about 3 cookies. During that last slice, I noticed something. It makes my tongue feel weird. Really weird. Like prickly or something. I can honestly say that I don't like raw chocolate chip cookie dough! What an amazing blessing, for my health and for honoring the Lord!
Now, if I could just not like them baked!

Yep...It's The Pollen

I did some research and found this site that gives the pollen forecast for your zip code. You can also do a history search for the last 30 days. Ragweed is in full bloom again and so is Jonathan's nose. Poor thing, his eyes are watering and nose is running. He even wore his sunglasses inside the mall today. I have started back giving him his homeopathic allergy medicine that we found about a year ago, but it takes a few doses to really start helping a lot, so in the mean time, he is taking benedryl too. He has been on claritin, singulair, and zyrtec as different points in the past 2 1/2 years, which just seem crazy to me, but we took him off due to some side effects. I feel much better about this all natural allergy "medicine" than anything else. So, I must venture to get some tissues after Jacob wakes up because Jonathan, and Jacob a little, have been going through them like crazy! By the way, anyone out there have any good, natural remedies for allergies, besides honey?

By the way, all I have had to eat today is cookie bars and half of a turkey sandwich! Ha! Can't wait for the period to start!!!!

Summer Time, Right?

I am still not sure if it is the end of the summer allergies kicking in on both of boys, or if a cold virus has managed to find its way into our home. Either way, I am not so happy about it. However, I am SOOO thankful for the past almost 4 months of no colds and 3 months of little to no allergy symptoms! Such a blessing!

A Plea To Parents

The boys spent the morning with some friends while I went to the dentist. They had a great time, but were inside due to the mosquitoes. I have really enjoyed being inside on HOT days. However, the boys go to bed so much better if they have gotten their dose of the sun each day. So, I decided to take them to the local park tonight. It is my favorite because there are NO swings. How sad, I know. I just get tired of pushing two boys...I want them to get the "exercise", not me :) I digress. I got me a bite to eat and took the boys to the park. We were the only ones there to start with, which makes me happy and sad. I enjoy not having to worry about how other kids are going to respond to my kids, but am sad that they didn't have anyone else to play with. A few minutes later, three children come running up to the playground. I look around for their parent(s). Nothing. I saw their car. They were sitting in it! Seriously. Sitting the car, listening to music, doing stuff they shouldn't have been or something. But, sitting in the car, NOT watching their children on the playground. The car was even parked in the wrong direction to even be able to see out the front window. I was so upset by this! I think what made it the worst was that two of the three were climbing on top of the playground equipment. We are talking 10-15 feet in the air. Now, I know that kids do this and I am not a fan of it. They can fall people! And get really hurt...banging themselves all up on the metal as they plummet to the ground! So, to you parents who don't want to watch your kids at park, don't bring them please! Do you want them to break their necks? Be bullies? Get kidnapped?



OK, second request is to you parents of girls. I have boys. I would like to protect them as long as possible. The world is a hard place for our men. My boys are going to grow into men one day. (wipe tear) I would like for them to maintain their innocence as long as possible. PLEASE don't let you girl wear miniskirts with no shorts on under them! PLEASE!!!! Shorts or skorts please! Heck, with the style for girls nowadays, maybe jeans and a turtleneck would be better. Digressing again. Please, teach your girls about modesty. I promise that I am doing my best to teach my boys about chivalry and being a knight.

And on a random note...I used to LOVE mocha shakes from Port City Java. Ice cream, espresso, and chocolate syrup...what's not to love! I live here in the "Port City" where their java began. Unfortunately, I have seen a Port City Java in the Queen City, the Gate City and the Capital City. Go figure. Digressing yet again! I am learning to really taste the food that I am eating and learning to evaluate if I even like it or like how I feel (not talking emotions or guilt here) physically after eating it. I had a mocha shake tonight and HATED the way that I felt afterwards and for the next hour! Cross that off my list of things I thought that I loved!

V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!!!

How do you spell victory?

I spell it by going out to a nice dinner for my anniversary with Manly Man and...

NOT finishing all the hush puppies that come instead of bread,

NOT eating all of my dinner (2 of my 5 stuffed shrimp is all I could do),

NOT eating all the the Key Lime Pie that I had been craving for a week (we actually got it "to go" and had one bite each before we left the restaurant), and

NOT wanting/wishing/ or needing to unbutton my pants once we got in the car!

Honoring my hunger...and stopping when full, is what I am working on right now!

That is how I spell VICTORY!

How do you spell VICTORY?

Fear of...

What are you afraid of? Bees? Snakes? Heights? Confined spaces? Rejection? Disappointment? Failure?

My Manly Man (I just found out he doesn't like "hubby" or "big boy"...sorry babe, I love you!) and I have both been dealing with a sense of failure in the recent past, for a lot of different reasons. I feel like I let him down when the house isn't clean or laundry isn't done, or I don't cook a good enough dinner (or dinner at all for that matter). Now, Manly Man never complains! I am truly blessed with a wonderful husband who doesn't get upset over the aforementioned things. I feel like I let my boys down when I don't play with them. I love my boys and wouldn't trade them for anything (most days...some days I would trade them for an hour of quiet and a skinny iced mocha), but I don't "play" well with them. I just don't love race cars or trains the way they do. Or guns. I feel like I let my friends down for not keeping in better touch. I feel like I let the Lord down for not sitting at His feet more consistently.

I also feel, recently, like I am gun shy to commit to anything. Why you might ask? Because I am afraid that I will fail at it. Am I alone in this? I so desperately want to not ever feel this way again. I don't want to pass this on to my kids. I don't want to be afraid to try. I remember my dad would always tell me "Can't never could."

So, where is all of this coming from? What is the point that I am trying to make? Here goes...

Anyone else familiar with those "last ten pounds?" You know, the ones that won't go away after baby. Maybe they all went away after baby one. Maybe not. Mine did, when I got pregnant with baby two and started back to work. Baby two's last ten, nope. They won't leave.

My story is one that is really hard to explain. Most people don't understand it. Most people just don't get it or just don't believe me. I will simplify it to this...I want to be healthy for the Lord. If those last ten pounds never leave my body, then so be it. I just want to be healthy! My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I want to honor God with my body, just as the Bible exhorts me to. I want to have a healthy relationship with food. It isn't healthy now. (I won't go into detail here.) I want to "eat to live." I don't. I think this is hard for a majority of women...to be happy with themselves. I think a lot of stay at home moms have "issues" with food. I didn't have any problems until I became a stay at home mom and did ALL the shopping and had "tons" of time on my hands.

When Manly Man and I got married, I gained the "marriage weight," kind of like the Freshman Fifteen! Remember that? I lost it through Weight Watchers. It is a wonderful program, because it allows you to eat whatever you want, in moderation. That is the problem...they stress the healthy part, but you don't have to do it to get the weight gone...just lower your calories (watching your points). Because I truly long to be healthy, I have had a hard time going back to the program. I find myself just eating junk, and then falling off the "wagon", and not wanting to get back on. "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"? Have you not ever eaten!

I am scared to to accountable for the needed weight loss. I am scared to fess up to what I eat. I am scared to be honest for people. I am afraid they won't like me or will will not want to be my friend. It is that failure thing.

So, I am venturing out, because I don't know what else to do. I am asking you who read this blog to please leave a comment if you have any encouragement or want to offer some sort of advice, without being critical. I want to do it the "right" way. The healthy way.